| Saturday, April 29, 2006 |
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[ 1 ] Rather than staying up all night partying, I stayed up subscribing to NPR news podcasts. [ 2 ] I'm a vegetarian with a leather iPod case. I didn't choose it, but I really do like my case. [ 3 ] I could've gone to the theatre to see Silent Hill or something new and cool, but I stayed home to watch a documentary on civil rights movements in the 60s. [ 4 ] My haircut makes me look like Paul McCartney. He looks like a chick anyway. [ 5 ] It's a Friday evening, and I'm on MySpace. And I'll be spending a good half of my weekend in a coffee shoppe by myself with a book on Watergate. Need I say more? --- music: How To Be Dead - Snow Patrol |
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 |
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Some stuff has happened--stuff that doesn't make me feel too great. I didn't consume two boxes of chocolate-chip cookies this time. Do I get a pat on the back or what? I tried to shake it all off yesterday. I took a walk on the dopey little trail along the creek behind my house. Wallowing in self-pity felt good for a while. But, as my luck would have it, the mood was killed. One minute I'm admiring the sunset on the water--that would be the same water that supposedly passes through the sewage-treatment plant. There are rumours of entirely new colours found in the cesspool we call "Red Run." But anyways, one minute I was admiring the sunset on the water, the next minute... I turn around to see this big, ugly dog growling and coming STRAIGHT at me. I screamed bloody murder and ran like hell. The owner of the dog happened to be cutting the grass on the church property I was trespassing on. Because his damn dog nearly took out my right calf, he was very congenial. Today wasn't so painful. Going vegetarian is really quite easy. I'm not craving a Big Mac (not that I ever have), and I'm getting plenty of protein. I still feel like I'm going to pass out, but that has nothing to do with the lack of animals in my diet. And every time I stand up or turn my head, I can feel the blood gush and pound. Maybe I need my coffee. And a really big hug. --- music: Speakers Push the Air - Pretty Girls Make Graves |
| Thursday, April 20, 2006 |
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Chinese take-out and a movie: Danielle and my new tradition, and my new favourite way to get a sodium-induced bloody nose at ten o'clock in the morning. Large quantities of bread-coated chicken and strange, semisolid "gravy" are nowhere near healthy--let alone nutritional. But that's okay. I basically lived at her house yesterday (again), and it was fun. Today I need to get some exercise, or something. The weather is beautiful. It's nicer in the evening, when I can sit outside without being blinded by the sun. Maybe I'll go for a walk? Or, more likely, I'll end up watching M*A*S*H re-runs on the couch with a jar of peanutbutter. Huzzah for couch potatoes. --- music: Between the Bars - Elliott Smith |
| Saturday, April 15, 2006 |
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I am rediscovering my love for reading, playing guitar, art, and everything else I used to love before I got distracted by the internet, boys, and food. As a matter of fact, I've barely been online today. I'm two-thirds into Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich. It's really a great book. Ehrenreich, a reporter, "quits" her life and experimentally joins working-class America. In her book, she reveals the struggles millions of American earning minimum wage. It's disturbing, and it's very humbling. Not only do these people need to work two jobs to survive, but the work is mentally and physically exhausting in every case. After her experiences waitressing and scrubbing floors, Ehrenreich says there are, in fact, no "unskilled" jobs after all. While my only problem is how to properly allot my freetime, millions of people are scrubbing toilets for ten hours a day, only to come home to fast-food and a growing stack of bills. --- music: I Always Knew - Tilly and the Wall |
| Thursday, April 13, 2006 |
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all things go, all things go drove to Chicago all things know, all things know we sold our clothes to the state I don't mind, I don't mind I made a lot of mistakes in my mind, in my mind I have a dilemma. I want to read Wicked, Black Cross, Nickel and Dimed: On Not Getting By in America, Catch-22, Atlas Shrugged, Six Degrees of Separation, Mao: The Unknown Story, and American Dynasty all at once. I want to finish them all! But I just cannot pry myself away from this screen. It is really quite terrible. So, on the car ride to wherever my parents decide to go, I'm going to finish at least two books. I have to! So many books, so little time. Must read. Must keep myself busy. --- music: Chicago - Sufjan Stevens |
| Wednesday, April 12, 2006 |
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So today I aced a pop quiz in English, without actually reading the three chapters in A Tale of Two Cities. I really was going to read them. How about a round of applause for paying attention in class? Charles Dickens gets paid by the word, so it's the most tiresome, prolix book ever. I heard he had to write it in a set amount of time, so Dickens didn't work very hard at developing the characters. Lucie Manette, seemingly one of the centeral characters, is known only to be kind, blonde, and pretty. C'mon, Charlie, you can do better than that. Brittany and I went to Deebe's Coffee Bar after school. Her iced latte was crummy, but we had fun. Then we hung out at the used bookshop next door. Brittany, coffee, and cheap books. How can I go wrong? But, as I am going through some kind of emo funk, I still feel like crap. It's this constantly looming feeling. I want it to go away, but I exacerbate it with junk food and lack of activity. Go me. --- music: This Scene is Dead - We Are Scientists |
| Monday, April 10, 2006 |
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This is the first time I've listened to Radiohead and not sobbed myself to sleep. Actually, I feel pretty content. It's a bit warm outside, and there are a bunch of trains in the distance. It's 2:20 in the morning. I can't sleep at all, but it feels really good. I've been playing solitaire and inspecting the inside of my eyelids since 11:00. Nobody's awake. It's nice. I think this "week" will go by fast. Tuesday is a half-day, and I have Thursday and Friday off. So that's only 2.5 days of forcing smiles and being patient. Then, next week, it's Chicago, or maybe Toronto. I'm happy either way. I ordered a "War is Peace" t-shirt and a Decemberists shirt, so I'm happy about that too. I think it's the little things: chili fries at Theo's Diner, warm nights, distant trains. I'm happy tonight. --- music: The Bends - Radiohead |
| Wednesday, April 05, 2006 |
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I love Danielle. She made my crappy day a little better. --- music: Soon - My Bloody Valentine |
| Tuesday, April 04, 2006 |
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PMS is bad. Bad, bad, bad. But my decreasing sucess rate in everything can't just be hormonal, and it can't just be luck. Everything is lousy, everyone is lousy. The weather is lousy. My nails are lousy. The week is lousy. Guys are lousy. Girls are lousy. I've really lost a lot of drive. No surprise. While I envy my over-achieving friends, I really have no desire to follow in their footsteps. Motivation=gone. Class is stupid. I daydream for hours, which leads me to think more about the cute indie sophomore and less about keeping track of what little homework I care to do. I keep thinking, "Next week I'll turn things around!" Next week I'll write really neatly on my homework, next week I'll organise my binder, next week I'll pay attention in class. Take some pride in stuff I already know, right? It doesn't happen, and with good reason. Who cares? I've begun letting my eating get out of control. Chocolate is great, and there's so much of it. I see myself changing quickly, and it's frightening. My skin isn't clear anymore, and I never feel good. I have self control, but no reason to use it. Who cares? Who cares about anything? --- music: Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead |
| Sunday, April 02, 2006 |
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I'm changing some things about my blog. I'm sick of writing soley to get the most comments possible. So, to force myself to get back on the "writing" track, I totally deleted the comment feature. I also got a new layout. No "about me," no links that nobody visits anyway, etc. It's quite cute, if I do say so myself. It'll be easy to change, too. Maybe if I write more from the heart, I'll eat less chocolate. --- music: Do the Whirlwind - Architecture in Helsinki |
| Thursday, March 23, 2006 |
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So, weeks later, Shane and I finally spoke. I mean, really talked about it. Seeing as it's all over, it should've been one of those "How could you do this to me?! You can have all that stuff back, I never want to talk to you again!" sort of conversations. In consistency with our personalities, it was pretty unconventional. I'm keeping his lava lamp (mwahaha), we're still hanging out, and we're on friendlier terms than we were for the last half of our relationship. Oh, and according to him, his uberly cool friend likes me. ^^ Also, we talked about the cute indie sophomore I've been oogling like crazy. I discovered he wasn't completely in the market, so Megan and I walked to Wallgreens, splurged on chocolate chip cookies (extra chunky, fo sho), caramel, and cupcakes, then drowned ourselves in teenage angst. In all honesty, we really just wanted the junk food. My life is starting to sound like a Questionable Content sketch. --- music: M*A*S*H theme - various artists |
| Saturday, March 11, 2006 |
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Kylyn's coming over to cut my hair, so I was forced against my will to clean my room today. I took some photos to show the redecorating progress. In other news, I'll be switching to LiveJournal as soon as I can figure out all the overrides. I'm thinking I'll use this blog for photos. --- music: Obstacle 2 - Interpol |
| Monday, March 06, 2006 |
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I hate men. I don't hate all men. 1/3 of my closest friends are men. But it's amazing how selfish and insensitive men can be. And being an asshole is one thing, but blaming women for your insensitivity?! I'm sorry; that is too much. I thought men wanted to "take care of their woman" and all that jazz? Whatever happened to that? I think it's fake. What they really mean is, "Just wait on us without question and don't expect anything like moral support or extensive simpathy." Not that they could SPELL half of those words. Ugh. I need something really fattening and sweet. --- music: Une Année Sans Lumiere - The Arcade Fire |
| Monday, February 27, 2006 |
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Mmm.. A good cup of coffee and the news -- what a great way to start my day! I lied. I feel like shooting myself in the face for drinking another cup of this crap. Instant coffee is terrible. Now I'm anxious and my stomach hurts. And the second, greater source of my anxiety decided to skip school today. I really needed to talk to him too. Of course, I like to enhance my mood when I get like this. Crappy coffee, Radiohead & the Killers, and lots of futile introspection make it even stronger. Grr. --- music: Setting of the Sun- Ben Jelen |
| Wednesday, February 22, 2006 |
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First, shut up. I like Coheed and Cambria. Second, I have a mental image for you. I'm in Evansville, Indiana, sitting at my grandmother's kitchen table in a room crowded with potted plants and books. The Emma is sporting Vans (without socks), a green striped shirt, and a pink flowery bathrobe. If only I had a camera.. It's quite a picture. Third, the video I had here got deleted. Too bad. --- music: Crossing the Frame - Coheed and Cambria |
| Thursday, February 09, 2006 |
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Zomg, today was so much fun. First, there was a prep rally, err, pep rally--which I generally despise--but it was fun today! Missing Mr. Nethercott's class was the best. Steve, Kim, and I were three of the twenty students (out of 1800) not dressed school-spirit-ish. As you can see, Mariah was all decked out. =] After the retarded pep rally, I went out to eat with Shane and his ninja friend Lahib. I've had enough coffee to poison a small animal.  So that was fun too. Good days are the best.And, tomorrow is... ROYAL OAK! =] And I get to see Andreana for the first time since Christmas~! --- music: Strange Brew - Cream |
| Tuesday, February 07, 2006 |
A lot has changed since I last updated (back in the dark ages, I know). For one, I discovered I absolutely love shopping.  Don't kill me. I think I've gone shopping three times in the past week, and it's fun. And the rainbow striped scarf I bought was totally worth $20--even though it got caught one of my 23948230498 necklaces and tore. And I got this kickass army-type jacket for $15, and it's awesome. 'Kay, I'm done now.  --- music: Warm Love-Van Morrison |
| Sunday, January 22, 2006 |
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So, we get new classes tomorrow. I don't know a good half of the freshmen at my school (there's like, 500 of us?), so I'm going to be meeting a lot of people tomorrow. It's like the first day of school--all over again. I'm not really nervous, but I'm definitely not looking forward to it. I'm just sick of everybody. I'm tired of being patient and understanding and tolerant, and not getting the same thing in return. --- music: Sundays - Daphne Loves Derby |
| Tuesday, January 17, 2006 |
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So instead of studying, I'm having an allergic reaction to my stupid cat, updating my blog, and thinking about a boy. It's the story of my life. --- music: Funerals on Film - Andy and the Pandies |
| Tuesday, January 10, 2006 |
I'm stealing Rory's idea of using the song I'm listening to for post titles. I'm sure he forgives me.  Today Danielle made an interesting comment. I doodled all over my jeans with rainbow-coloured sharpies, and my clothes didn't really match (band shirt over a pink/purple stripey sweater thing). "I don't think I could ever dress like that. I'd feel self-conscious. But you dress like you!" she said. I thought about it, and I think I do dress like "me". I don't feel stupid. I don't think I look stupid. I thought a little more, and it put me in one of those high-off-life kind of moods. I love being me, albeit my many flaws. I like mismatching clothes and making my own jewelry. I like how I snort when I laugh and how I bawl through sad movies. I like how I talk too much and annunciate every syllable. ("wow lolz u talk liek ur 40!") I'm not incredibely original or anything, but I'm happy. Self-confidence comes and goes--like everything else, but I think I'm doing good.  --- music: What Sarah Said -- Death Cab for Cutie |